Dreams & Visions
In this dream there are three version of me at different ages: a present, past, and future me. There is a six-years-old who colors with markers. There is a present tense self, who is the protagonist of the dream. There is, also, a mom-self who tells the other two what to do.
The setting begins with the mom-self leading us to a patch of grass that was surrounded by low hedges. In the middle of this patch of grass was a giant vintage stroller. Mom-self had me get it the stroller. My blanket from high school was there to keep me warm. As I climbed inside and got under the blanket she said worriedly, “Now, if you see any lions let me know. There are a lot lions in this woods and I know what to do.” She had a bow on her back. And, then she sat down on the ground with the six-year-old, holding her in her lap and telling her how to color. The six-year-old was silently ignoring her instruction.
Lying down, I was looking at Orion in the sky, as I did every possible morning growing up. Suddenly, a lioness jumped on my stomach. I held up my right arm for protection. The lioness held my arm in her teeth. She was warning against something and was very gentile. The mom-self came over and shooed the lioness away. The lioness snarled at the mom-self before leaving. I wasn’t sure it was good that the lioness was gone.
Then, a male lion came and nuzzled my right hand. I felt safe. I felt at home. And, with the sunrise, he left.
The lioness returned, standing on my stomach. She snarled fiercely at something over my head. I felt commanded not to watch, but the lioness was going to kill the mom-self. And I was not going to miss her. I saw her jump over me and heard the brutal screams of the mom-self dying. I felt more and more free. Eventually, I was allowed to turn and look. The lioness was liking up the marrow from her ribcage, all that was left.
Then, I lied back down, feeling free. The lioness came over and I asked her if the male lion was going to return. She promised he would, and I needed to know that he would return every night, but always be gone during the day. And, I needed faith.
I waited and eventually he returned, but this time he was younger. He stayed until morning. Again, he left. I asked if he was, really, going to come back. He promised he would.
I checked in with the six-year-old self to see how she felt about the mom-self dying. She also felt free and said the mom-self had no idea how to color. She and I walked away from the little patch of grass.