God got my attention during a Sunday service telling me he wanted to give me a vision, but it was too long for a regular service. If I wanted the vision, I needed to to accept an invitation from my new friends. He asked if I wanted the vision. And, I did. He asked if I would agree to go with my new friends. I agreed.
Shortly after that my new friends invited me a prophetic reading at a Baptist Church. I went with them.
Taking my seat at the prophetic sermon I felt my mind readying to go on a vision quest. I settled into my seat, trying to make sure I was comfortable. I kept opening my eyes while the people sang songs of worship around me, insecure about being weird.
The vision began. I was under an ocean of darkness, lying on my back. On top of me was placed a sheet of glass. It was for me to stay still. I was told that I would not be allowed to get up until I was rested. I learned to stop pouting and I submitted to my fate of staying flat on my back. Eventually, I felt uncomfortable, and heavy, and sad, and anxious, and weary. Out of weariness I cried to Jesus of Nazareth saying, “I don’t believe in you, but if you have any power, can you rescue me?” I asked him to come down to get me, but he said he needed to pull me out of darkness not bring himself into darkness.
So, eventually, I was lifted up. Turning to look down I saw the darkness far below transform into water that was spiraling, but it calmed. I was brought up into the atmosphere and placed on a table for healing. I fell halfway through the table because I didn’t trust Jesus. He had angels touch every bit of me that was going to be healed, including all five fingers on each hand.
I was taken high above the table to see how many angels it took to heal me and they filled the atmosphere. He asked if I was ready for them to sing. The angels placed hands on the shoulders of the angel in front of him or her. When I was ready, they sang and little by little I was healed. Jesus held my head.
Eventually, it was time to go with the Holy Spirit. She came in golden light. I was lifted out of the atmosphere, into the blackness of the night sky.
My body seemed to be separated from myself. Seeing the galaxy far to my left, the Holy Spirit showed up in a body and lied on her belly. She was waiting for something. She told me she waiting for me to give up my pride. When I was ready to let go of pride, she shoved her hand into my chest and pulled out my heart. It was crusted, dark gray rock of different textures. She turned it over in her fingers, examining it for signs of life. She found a spot still aglow and from the heart I heard my longing to do right by God and the sound of my attempts at worship. She squeezed the spot until it died. And, she turned the heart in her fingers again, searching. She found another spot dimly lit and I heard the sound of me trying to work hard to do right by God. And, she squeezed the heart again. She did this, over and over, until the entire heart was dead rock. She explained that my attempts were not out of freedom or trust or joy and to get those things I would ned a new heart. But, she said it wasn’t right for her to take my heart away until it was dead because otherwise I would cling to the heart and be hurt. She brought to my mind the idea of a drowning person in panic and said the moment that relates is the pain of hopeless that is made worse by the sight of the rescuer so that panic drowns them both. She said, first we need calm, rest, and hope. Then, with a little bit a faith, she would remove the heart and upgrade my life experience.
So, when my heart was all dead she asked if she could upgrade me. I gave her permission. She took a bite out of the dead rock-heart. It was disgusting. She stopped eating and asked if I wanted a bite. I did not. She said, someone has to eat it. If she doesn’t eat it, I’ll have to, or would I give it to someone else to consume. She reminded that God is a consuming fire, burning hotter than every sun in all the universe combined. She said my heart was smaller that a spec of dust to God. And, assured me that the only thing that happens when God eats it, is that it turns to carbon. But, to a human it’s highly toxic. And, she asked if she could keep eating it. I gave her permission, but didn’t want to watch. A feeling of thankfulness came into me like a gentile breeze. It was the beginning of not being numb anymore.
With the old rock-heart gone, I felt surprised to not feel dead. The Holy Spirit said she was not giving another human heart because that one would have all the same struggles and lead to my death, again. Instead she would give me herself. And, the body she had filled with golden light. She stood up the body that was going to be mine and commanded my soul to enter. She then told me to dance, singing along with a pop song saying, ‘when I move you move, just like that. When I move you move, just like that.’ I told her was inappropriate. She laughed.
I asked who I was. And, she said, as the righteous and true guide, she was emulating me because she knows me enough to know what I’m like, this way I’ll know where I’m going, and soon I live out my true identity, which is righteousness. She taught to me dance freely and to pray.
When it was time to go back, she brought my mind down slowly. Like reverse ascension out of deep water, my mind needed to be brought gently back into forward consciousness. Eventually, I opened my eyes to the preacher speaking a word over my life, that I would reach those he couldn’t and in a hidden kind of way. Whatever, it’s just time I write this stuff down. It’s taking up space in my mental hard drive.
The reason I call this vision November is because after I told my buddy the entire vision and a month passed, I ran into him. He asked if I’d ‘lived through November.’ I didn’t understand. He’d thought the vision was going to be completed within the month after it had been received. I sighed, sadly, feeling that this vision was going to be years in the making. It’s been 9 years, now. I think I’m reaching the end. And, so I will dance.